Gosh, I Wish I Had Something To Say

I have been really wanting to write on my blog again lately. Probably due to the monotony of being at home with three babies all day every day, and having nobody else to talk to or interact with.

The problem is, I have nothing to say! Nothing interesting, at least.

Ho hum.

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Why is everybody getting sick?

Emilia is 4 weeks old this week and I am sick.

I was pregnant for the first 9 months of this year and of my 3 pregnancies, this one was the most difficult to endure.

It wasn’t because of anything pregnancy related as such (apart from the morning sickness – that was a bitch!). It wasn’t because of heart burn or an aching back or a sore pelvis. It was because I just. kept. getting. sick.

It wasn’t fun.

In fact, I actually gave birth while sick with the leftovers of a major-ass cold!

From the week my morning sickness left the building (around 20 weeks), I was sick every 2nd week right up until
I gave birth. Actually, right up until 2 – 3 weeks AFTER I gave birth. If it wasn’t a case of vomiting and diarrhoea, it was a cold or the flu. And each illness took 2 weeks to get over, at the least!

It wasn’t just me who was getting sick. It was my boys, my husband and pretty much everyone else in my extended family too. I would hear of others getting sick also and each time I went to the Dr. for a prenatal check up she would tell me “oh, yes. A lot of people are sick at the moment”!

It was so stressful. Every time I got sick I would say “I can’t get sick again! I won’t cope! I can’t get sick again!”
And sure enough, the following week I WOULD be sick all over again.

Emilia is 4 weeks old this week and I am sick.

Again.

I can’t help but wonder what is going on in Queensland!

Why is everyone getting sick?????

*sigh*

And when will it end?

I’m oh so tired.

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Shall I Confess?

I have a thing for Hanson.

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You know, the band.
The blonde, bopping, teenage rockers from Tulsa (though they’re not so teenie anymore).

And last night I FINALLY, after 15 freaking years of dreaming (ok, so maybe the dream changed slightly once Maroon5 came along…), got to see them live in concert.

O.
M.
G.

When I was 14 I would have given my FRONT TEETH for this!

My love for Hanson began when I first saw MMMbop on t.v. when I was about 13 years old. Back then, I thought Taylor, the middle brother, was a girl. It didn’t take me long to discover that he was no girl – nuh-uh – he was simply the prettiest boy that ever existed (take THAT Bieber). I fell and I fell hard.

I didn’t share my love for the band with everyone though. It wasn’t exactly a good thing to like Hanson at my age. At least, not at my school. We were just slightly over the Hanson-loving-age-limit. So I kept it a secret. Only the closest of my friends knew of my love for the boys and their music. And the odd stranger who happened to see ‘I LOVE HANSON’ written discreetly across my pencil case.

Of course, my family knew. How could they not? My room was full of Hanson posters and I created 3 (yes THREE) of my very own scrapbooks full of Hanson-ANYTHING-I-COULD-GET-MY-HANDS-ON! I even had special home-made Hanson videos on which I recorded anything and everything I could off the t.v. (Oh yes, I still have that episode of Oprah).

You know what I loved about Hanson (in addition to just enjoying the sound of their music)?
I loved that their music was fun & upbeat.
I loved how they sang with joy.
I loved that they played instruments and wrote the music themselves.
I loved that they could sing in harmony.
And I loved that they were enthusiastic about their music and sharing it with the world.

I also think they represented part of my dreams, of who I wanted to become.
I’ve wanted to be a singer from as far back as I can remember. And they were doing that at such a young age. That made them pretty awesome!

If you haven’t seen grown-up Hanson and want to check out what they’re like these days, here’s a clip of the encore from the show I was at. It includes one song a capella and one with them back on their instruments. Oh! And please ignore the people in the audience singing out of tune!

After 20 years (they started VERY young) they are still singing, still playing, still writing music together, still loving what they do. And, I realised last night, they are still inspiring me.

(P.S. I TOUCHED TAYLOR HANSON’S HAND!!! I GOT MY SHIRT SIGNED BY ALL THREE OF THEM!!!!! AARRRRGGGHHH!!!!! *total teen fan girl moment here* *faint*)

I Feel A Fusion Coming On

Man, am I tired.
Too many late nights and early mornings.

It’s one of those days where I need to get out of the house. And walk. Just feel the afternoon sun, the cool breeze, enjoy the fresh air and then…?

A fusion.
From Zarraffas.
Because an ice-blended coffee, maybe with a bit of white chocolate fudge, will take away the tiredness.

No, scrap that. It won’t take away the tiredness but it will help me enjoy the rest of the afternoon despite the tiredness.

I always try to do what I can to transcend the unwelcome moods that come with me and my tiredness. I don’t want to be a cranky, impatient mother. So I’m doing something about it.

Let’s get out! Let’s walk!
Good idea, don’t you think? 🙂

xx

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Waiting to know: the gender of our Jelly Bean!

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I started to write this post yesterday, just a few hours before heading to our morphology scan. I came back today to discover it hadn’t saved properly and so here I am starting again, only this time I’m on the other side of the scan!

Yesterday’s post explained how I was excited and eager to find out the gender of our Jelly Baby, how I couldn’t wait the 40 weeks to know and how I just wanted to know now because I’m impatient and want to go out and choose names and buy itty bitty baby clothes (gender appropriate)! For me, there’s just something about knowing the gender already that helps me connect with the child during the pregnancy. It’s easier for me to begin to form a strong bond with the baby knowing whether that baby is a boy or a girl.

Of course, I know that a scan is not 100% accurate (I know of many would-be “girls” who have been born boys), and I keep that in mind through out the rest of the pregnancy…… but I’m not going to let it hold me back from buying a stack of girly, girly, girly things!!!

Oh, yeah, did I mention that yet?

She’s a GIRL!!

Woo hoo!

We are so excited to be giving a little sister to our already adorable 2 boys! We are thrilled!

I think I’m still in a bit of shock, though. After having two boys and always having to walk straight past those cutesy, cutesy baby girl clothes (which always seemed like a dream to me), I can now waltz in to a store and pick out the sweetest, girliest outfit imaginable. Oh, the JOY! 🙂 I’m dreaming of flowery, frilly skirts, pink ballet shoes and sparkly, feathery accessories and embellishments. Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming… Oh, the JOY!

I can’t believe I’m going to have a little baby girl to hold in my arms. I’m over the moon… and I wonder how it will change the dynamic of our family.

Time will tell. 21 weeks to go! Yay!
I can’t wait!

xx Natalie.

What Exactly Is My Problem?

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Today I saw a video of a young girl giving some kind of singing performance. It looked like a small gathering of parents or something… maybe a school thing? Or a small singing concert for her teacher? I’m not sure. She is about 14 years old now, I think. I gave her singing lessons when she was about 9 and boy does she sound so different (and awesome!!) now that she’s maturing.

Watching her sing brings pangs of envy. Her parents are very musical and have always encouraged and helped harness her musical talent. My parents, while not so musical, have always encouraged me to sing, too. And watching this girl sing on the video at 14 years old makes me cry at my parents in my head “Why didn’t you take me to singing lessons? Why didn’t you do more for me?”… Of course I know that my parents had many financial difficulties when I was growing up. And not only that, living in a small town, I lacked opportunity.

But, let’s face it, it’s been 10 years since I lived with my parents and they were responsible, in part, for giving me singing lessons or what ever. And they did give me just about everything that I wanted in that sense. Ballet lessons, drama lessons, drama camps, piano lessons… etc. It’s definitely not my parents fault that I didn’t have singing lessons or concerts when I was 14. And since moving out of home I’ve had 10 years to do what I want to do. It’s me who I should be asking “Why didn’t you take me to more singing lessons?”… It’s me who has been delaying this. Or maybe it has just taken me this long to realise just how important this is to me and just how important it is that I get it done.

Sometimes I can be hard on myself, though. In the ten years since I moved out of home I have worked on my singing and I have performed and what-not. I spent a year working and studying as a singer which meant practicing and having singing lessons every day as well as performing at least 5 times a week. I studied music and musical theatre at university, too. I was at university for 5 years. And I’ve sung with a number of bands at weddings and various other functions. I’ve sung at a gazillion family weddings and funerals (ok, maybe not a gazillion) and I’ve taught and mentored at various vocal workshops in different parts of the world.

So what exactly is my problem? What’s going on here?

Well, basically, I’m not singing now. I’m not performing. And so I feel as though I haven’t achieved anything singing wise. And the older I get the more I fear that I’m getting… well, too old.

*sigh*

What to do but get on with it, huh?
I need to make the time to practice & learn & create.
I need to.

xxx

Three Days Later

I’ve spent the past 3 days mostly in bed.

Or in the bathroom.

But mostly in bed.

Yep, I’m sick.

Thankfully I have a wonderful husband who takes on both of our roles when I’m ill. He does all the cooking and cleaning, entertaining and taking care of the children. And brings me what I need too.

I love that he’s so helpful and supportive. What would I do if he wasn’t here? Who would take care of my babies when I’m sick? Boy, am I lucky to have him. I’m so grateful for all of the time and care he puts into all of us when I’m unable to get out of bed.

But with the gratitude comes the guilt and the worry.
I know that it takes a lot of work and energy to do all of those things and not get a break for yourself. I know he must be tired after being at work all week. And I feel guilty and sad that I can’t do my share of the work. I worry about his health and well-being. How can I take care of him as well?

Ah! What to do?

He says the most important thing is for me to rest and get well so that things can go back to normal as quickly as possible. And he’s right. If I push myself without taking the time to be well, I will stay sick for longer and his having to do so much will drag on and on.

So here I am, three days later. I’m still in my bed, feeling somewhat better and hoping that this illness will pass quickly so that we can all get back to ‘normal’. And then maybe I can plan to give him some time to rest and recuperate himself.

Thank you, my Papacito!
You take such good care of us.

xx N.

Photo-A-Daying: March 11 – 20

Here’s the next installment of my photos from Photo A Day for March!

I don’t always have time to really think about the photo I’m going to take. I usually have it in the back of my mind all day and then just before the light fades, or I fade and go to bed, I quickly find something to photograph.

Day 11: Someone I Talked To Today

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Day 12: Fork

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Day 13: A Sign

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Day 14: Clouds

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Day 15: Car

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Day 16: Sunglasses

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Day 17: Green

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Day 18: A Corner Of My Home

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Day 19: Funny

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Day 20: Before/After

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Well, that’s it….
For now 🙂
More to come!

xx Natalie

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What to write when you have nothing to say?

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I am plagued with this disease where I want to write on my blog but every time I go to do it I think I have nothing to say. It’s not enough to say what I did today, or what I’d like to do tomorrow. It’s not enough to say that I’m really content tonight. Or is it? Should I write about the cafe style raisin toast I just ate with a smashed banana on top? Probably not. That would be boring. But that’s my problem. To me, everything sounds boring. Who wants to hear about the awesome train track I built today? Probably nobody.

But if I have this attitude when I come to write something, isn’t that going to be felt through my words?
Most likely.

So what is it in me that tells me nobody will be interested in what I have to say? Or what I’ve been doing? Or where I’m going?

It’s me. It’s all me. And my built-in and annoying issues with how much I’m achieving…. or not.

The truth is, I’m achieving a lot. I have two children (two years and under) who I’m teaching and taking care of every day. I’ve just potty trained one and the littlest is learning to use his spoon! I’m also growing a third, which zaps most of my energy and, at almost 17 weeks, is still making me throw up every morning. I change nappies, entertain, clean, cook, feed, dance, play, teach children to sleep… each and every day. It is exhausting. And yet, to me, I’m still not achieving enough.

I guess it’s not enough to be a full-on, flat-out, busy mother. And I mean just a mother. Not a mother with a part time job or a mother who runs her own business or even a mother with a popular blog. In my head, those, are the ones who are achieving stuff because, lets face it, those are the ones we hear about on t.v., on the dvds they send us home with from the hospital after we’ve given birth; those are the ones people talk about.

Today I constructed a train track for my boys. I really enjoyed it. And so did they.
For me, today, that was a great achievement!
And so was the cooking and the cleaning, the getting everyone to sleep (or not) on time, the ability to go with the flow as my 2 and a half year old resisted his daily nap (that’s a story for another day) and the hypnobirthing session I managed to squeeze in.

Oh, and look! Here’s another one! I’m finally posting on my blog. Hurrah!

To all those mothers out there who are just mothers like me, I hope you have a wonderful week recognising all that you achieve every. single. day.

xx Natalie