I am plagued with this disease where I want to write on my blog but every time I go to do it I think I have nothing to say. It’s not enough to say what I did today, or what I’d like to do tomorrow. It’s not enough to say that I’m really content tonight. Or is it? Should I write about the cafe style raisin toast I just ate with a smashed banana on top? Probably not. That would be boring. But that’s my problem. To me, everything sounds boring. Who wants to hear about the awesome train track I built today? Probably nobody.
But if I have this attitude when I come to write something, isn’t that going to be felt through my words?
So what is it in me that tells me nobody will be interested in what I have to say? Or what I’ve been doing? Or where I’m going?
It’s me. It’s all me. And my built-in and annoying issues with how much I’m achieving…. or not.
The truth is, I’m achieving a lot. I have two children (two years and under) who I’m teaching and taking care of every day. I’ve just potty trained one and the littlest is learning to use his spoon! I’m also growing a third, which zaps most of my energy and, at almost 17 weeks, is still making me throw up every morning. I change nappies, entertain, clean, cook, feed, dance, play, teach children to sleep… each and every day. It is exhausting. And yet, to me, I’m still not achieving enough.
I guess it’s not enough to be a full-on, flat-out, busy mother. And I mean just a mother. Not a mother with a part time job or a mother who runs her own business or even a mother with a popular blog. In my head, those, are the ones who are achieving stuff because, lets face it, those are the ones we hear about on t.v., on the dvds they send us home with from the hospital after we’ve given birth; those are the ones people talk about.
Today I constructed a train track for my boys. I really enjoyed it. And so did they.
For me, today, that was a great achievement!
And so was the cooking and the cleaning, the getting everyone to sleep (or not) on time, the ability to go with the flow as my 2 and a half year old resisted his daily nap (that’s a story for another day) and the hypnobirthing session I managed to squeeze in.
Oh, and look! Here’s another one! I’m finally posting on my blog. Hurrah!
To all those mothers out there who are just mothers like me, I hope you have a wonderful week recognising all that you achieve every. single. day.