Shall I Confess?

I have a thing for Hanson.

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You know, the band.
The blonde, bopping, teenage rockers from Tulsa (though they’re not so teenie anymore).

And last night I FINALLY, after 15 freaking years of dreaming (ok, so maybe the dream changed slightly once Maroon5 came along…), got to see them live in concert.

O.
M.
G.

When I was 14 I would have given my FRONT TEETH for this!

My love for Hanson began when I first saw MMMbop on t.v. when I was about 13 years old. Back then, I thought Taylor, the middle brother, was a girl. It didn’t take me long to discover that he was no girl – nuh-uh – he was simply the prettiest boy that ever existed (take THAT Bieber). I fell and I fell hard.

I didn’t share my love for the band with everyone though. It wasn’t exactly a good thing to like Hanson at my age. At least, not at my school. We were just slightly over the Hanson-loving-age-limit. So I kept it a secret. Only the closest of my friends knew of my love for the boys and their music. And the odd stranger who happened to see ‘I LOVE HANSON’ written discreetly across my pencil case.

Of course, my family knew. How could they not? My room was full of Hanson posters and I created 3 (yes THREE) of my very own scrapbooks full of Hanson-ANYTHING-I-COULD-GET-MY-HANDS-ON! I even had special home-made Hanson videos on which I recorded anything and everything I could off the t.v. (Oh yes, I still have that episode of Oprah).

You know what I loved about Hanson (in addition to just enjoying the sound of their music)?
I loved that their music was fun & upbeat.
I loved how they sang with joy.
I loved that they played instruments and wrote the music themselves.
I loved that they could sing in harmony.
And I loved that they were enthusiastic about their music and sharing it with the world.

I also think they represented part of my dreams, of who I wanted to become.
I’ve wanted to be a singer from as far back as I can remember. And they were doing that at such a young age. That made them pretty awesome!

If you haven’t seen grown-up Hanson and want to check out what they’re like these days, here’s a clip of the encore from the show I was at. It includes one song a capella and one with them back on their instruments. Oh! And please ignore the people in the audience singing out of tune!

After 20 years (they started VERY young) they are still singing, still playing, still writing music together, still loving what they do. And, I realised last night, they are still inspiring me.

(P.S. I TOUCHED TAYLOR HANSON’S HAND!!! I GOT MY SHIRT SIGNED BY ALL THREE OF THEM!!!!! AARRRRGGGHHH!!!!! *total teen fan girl moment here* *faint*)

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What Exactly Is My Problem?

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Today I saw a video of a young girl giving some kind of singing performance. It looked like a small gathering of parents or something… maybe a school thing? Or a small singing concert for her teacher? I’m not sure. She is about 14 years old now, I think. I gave her singing lessons when she was about 9 and boy does she sound so different (and awesome!!) now that she’s maturing.

Watching her sing brings pangs of envy. Her parents are very musical and have always encouraged and helped harness her musical talent. My parents, while not so musical, have always encouraged me to sing, too. And watching this girl sing on the video at 14 years old makes me cry at my parents in my head “Why didn’t you take me to singing lessons? Why didn’t you do more for me?”… Of course I know that my parents had many financial difficulties when I was growing up. And not only that, living in a small town, I lacked opportunity.

But, let’s face it, it’s been 10 years since I lived with my parents and they were responsible, in part, for giving me singing lessons or what ever. And they did give me just about everything that I wanted in that sense. Ballet lessons, drama lessons, drama camps, piano lessons… etc. It’s definitely not my parents fault that I didn’t have singing lessons or concerts when I was 14. And since moving out of home I’ve had 10 years to do what I want to do. It’s me who I should be asking “Why didn’t you take me to more singing lessons?”… It’s me who has been delaying this. Or maybe it has just taken me this long to realise just how important this is to me and just how important it is that I get it done.

Sometimes I can be hard on myself, though. In the ten years since I moved out of home I have worked on my singing and I have performed and what-not. I spent a year working and studying as a singer which meant practicing and having singing lessons every day as well as performing at least 5 times a week. I studied music and musical theatre at university, too. I was at university for 5 years. And I’ve sung with a number of bands at weddings and various other functions. I’ve sung at a gazillion family weddings and funerals (ok, maybe not a gazillion) and I’ve taught and mentored at various vocal workshops in different parts of the world.

So what exactly is my problem? What’s going on here?

Well, basically, I’m not singing now. I’m not performing. And so I feel as though I haven’t achieved anything singing wise. And the older I get the more I fear that I’m getting… well, too old.

*sigh*

What to do but get on with it, huh?
I need to make the time to practice & learn & create.
I need to.

xxx